Alright, look. It’s less than a week before Christmas and it seems to me that many people are just not that excited about it. So I’m going to shelve to this week’s scheduled post about stocking stuffers and last minute gifts. I, for one, do not need any more advertising coming at me this year. Grace and peace. Those are certainly better than advertising.
So let’s talk instead about another idea, with more potential for peace: make your own traditions and ignore what you ‘should’ be doing. If you’re feeling overwhelmed but also struggling to say ‘no’ sometimes, I’ve got you. Read on.
OK, one ‘should’
One ‘should’ before we stop ‘should’ing all over ourselves: You should keep in mind that all of the stuff associated with the holidays is made up. And a lot of it is a relatively recent invention – thx capitalism – so unless you feel particularly attached to late 19th and early 20th century advertising messages, it’s all yours to shove right out of your mind.
Even the family traditions (games nights, going to particular places, etc.) that might not have anything to buying stuff are still made up: they started somewhere, so they can be changed or modified or left aside entirely. Religious or cultural practices might be a bit different, but I’d bet that they don’t have anything to do with buying a lot of stuff.
Note: I say ‘holidays’ a lot here but I’m writing mostly about Christmas (you know, the mostly secular one with Santa and a tree) because that’s what I grew up with. I can’t speak to the experiences of people who grew up with other traditions. But the rampant advertising and pressure to buy and do things seems to be everywhere at the moment so perhaps many of us are feeling a bit bewildered at this time of year, regardless of what holidays we observe or how we observe them.
Traditions worth fighting for?
There are all kinds of reasons why we humans keep traditions going. As a parent, I completely understand the desire to pass along family traditions, especially if you don’t have access to other family members for whatever reason, like distance or the rest of your family also being totally over it.
I’ve tried, over the past few weeks/months, to consider what traditions are worth battling for and I’ve realized that the grand total is … zero. There is not one ‘tradition’ that I think is important enough to start a fight about with the people I share a home with. My family and I – like you and your loved ones – can do what we like in our own home with respect to the holidays, traditions or no traditions.
An example:
I grew up with the tree going up and being decorated on Dec 1 (or very close to it), accompanied by mid-20th century American Christmas songs on the stereo and the first eggnog of the year. We had an oven-roasted turkey, gravy, mashed potatoes, stuffing, and frozen peas, carrots, or corn (or the dreaded combo of the three) on Christmas Day. These things happened pretty much every year.
In my home now, we have eggnog as soon as we find it in the grocery store, only sometimes play music of any kind while decorating the tree (which goes up sometime between Dec 1 and Dec 15), and, because I (the person who typically cooks) really dislike roasted turkey, we’ve compromised with a homemade turkey pot pie, along with sides of our choosing, such as my child’s favourite veggie of the moment (this year, that seems to be oven-roasted Brussels sprouts).
My point is that you don’t have to do things the same way every year, nor do you have to do things the same as you grew up doing.
Choose the things that are important to you and let go of the rest.
‘No’ is a complete sentence
Include the other members of your household if you want to, but, if you are the person who is largely responsible for creating ‘holiday magic’, YOU CAN SAY NO. If others find something important enough to insist on, they can take ownership of it. Just last week I said an emphatic NO to a request for an Elf on the Shelf. Mostly because I didn’t want one MORE thing to keep track of but also because they’re a bit creepy.
In any case, the world is different than it was when you were a kid, or even 5 years ago, so I think we can all take a collective deep breath and try to relax a bit. You don’t have to do all of the things, go to all of the places, participate in all the spirit days at school, bake all the things, put up all the decorations, etc. etc. etc. Do what you feel is most important and give yourself some grace to do things differently than you have in the past, and how you might do things in the future. It’s all ok.
Northern Attitude?
This season is CHALLENGING for a lot of reasons and there is absolutely no reason to burn yourself out in the darkest part of the year. In the Northern Hemisphere, anyway – is there a connection here? Folks in the Southern Hemisphere, do the holidays feel difficult where you are? I’m genuinely curious about this. Does it have something to do with the school year too? I don’t know. What do you think?
Share your thoughts in the comments or send me a message.
Sidenote: My SEO tools are telling me to include some external links so that people can more easily find me. Ok fine. Here’s the link to my Instagram profile, and to my Etsy shop.